wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
