ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
