funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
