Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
