there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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