I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Dicks are not precious.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
