phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize