i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
