What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
