Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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