I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
