By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Randomize
