She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Michael Bay diarrhea
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
