Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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