Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize