someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
