When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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