Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
