I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
