i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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