the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
