Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize