I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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