just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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