I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
