last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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