When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize