1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
