My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
there is glitter all over my balls
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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