i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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