You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
It's shark week go big or go home
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
