We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
