i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
