I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
