Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
