He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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