wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize