what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
