This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
