Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
