Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
