are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
