You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Randomize
