It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
