I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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