I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Randomize