i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
