Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize