Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
