idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
