"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
