I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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