Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
