I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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