I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize