those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
please don't ironically join a cult
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