"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
