i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize