this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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