he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
