i just wanna soil my oats bro
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
