i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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