Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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