Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
wat bout pragnant strippers??
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
