The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
