I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
How does it feel to date your dad?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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