it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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