the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
