glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
