Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
