Where are you?
In a non slutty way
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
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