Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
