you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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