I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
and she was petting her beer can
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
