i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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