mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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