My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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