all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
