my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
