I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
