After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
