Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I wish you could order shots online.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Randomize
