I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
