"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
