To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
