i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I deserve this hangover.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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